Funny Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

Funny Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder "Where did I go wrong?" Then a voice tells me "It's going to take more than one night." ~ Charles Schulz, Funny Short Quotes

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirts: short enough to rouse your interest, but long enough to cover the important parts. ~ Ronald Knox

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is guaranteed. ~ Mark Twain

If you wish to make a man your enemy, simply tell him, "You are wrong." It is a method that works every time. ~ Henry Link

It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did them wrong. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That is relativity. ~ Albert Einstein

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It is the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. ~ Arthur C. Clarke


Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~ Mark Twain

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~ George Bernard Shaw

The reason that so few people are successful is that no one has found a way to sit down and slide uphill. ~ W. Clement Stone

A computer beat me once at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips


Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech that you will ever regret. ~ Ambrose Bierce

The different between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. ~ Albert Einstein

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~ Vidal Sassoon